Thursday, July 31, 2003
karma shower
she's only happy when it rains. and boy howdy did it rain today. she got a good review this morning. she found out that acting god laurence olivier also suffererd from an intolerable fear of forgetting his lines. her show closes this weekend and the cast party will be at disneyland. who needs an umbrella with this kind of karma shower?
Sunday, July 27, 2003
today she won the grand prize at a raffle. it was at a gay chili cook off. the chili tasted like alpo, but she now is the proud owner of a ten foot chaise lounge. and they say gay isn't the way...
Saturday, July 26, 2003
her stage fright was at an all time high this weekend. the walk to the stage was a green mile filled with smiling technicians. sure, they're smiling, it's not their ass on the line. six more shows to go before she closes this one and starts the next one. maybe she should look into that rehab for actors. or maybe she should just shut up and enjoy the ride...
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
her patience is thin when kitty gets the rips at two in the morning. what on god's green and blue earth is so urgent that he must rip through the apartment at torpedo speed while she is trying to sleep? is he bored? is he getting revenge? perhaps he's outrunning the devil. if that's the case, then erica would do well to keep her running shoes closer. god only knows when the rips will sneak up on her!
Thursday, July 17, 2003
it's time we get a few things straight about erica. she needs sunlight. she needs cherry coke. she needs sleep. but most of all, she needs an emotional jumpstart. her batteries seem to have gone dead. any questions?
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
let's just call it the vanillaroma peripeteia...it's suddenly very easy to breathe. she must thank that little car freshener.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
literary lovers
she dreams of bringing three romantic literary characters to life: heathcliff, howard, and hamlet. heathcliff because immortality would be beautifully obtained through his torture. howard roark because he'd throw her up against a stone quarry and give her the passion she refuses to ask for. and, of course, hamlet, prince of denmark, in all his existential glory, simply because he would ignore her.
Monday, July 14, 2003
is she superstitious? let's lay out the facts. they were married on the thirteenth. the temple burned down on their seventh anniversary. a black cat moved in with them and seems to have triggered a whole lot of bad luck. perhaps she should stay away from mirrors...
Thursday, July 10, 2003
three odd little things she did today. she did monologues in the shower. she tested all her color markers on the back of an old bill. she stole water from an actor while he wasn't looking. humanity progresses!
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
erica's ventilation guide. important rules for safe operation. this equipment has openings for ventilation that protect it from overheating. to ensure the reliability of this equipment, do not make it wait forty-five minutes for a bus in 125 degree heat.
Monday, July 07, 2003
if she can’t be a good example, then at least she can be a horrific warning.
stage fright
her 45th production doesn't open for another three weeks, but already she's showing signs of type III stage fright. bad dreams, white noise, a faint feeling of doom...a growing ball of nerves that will culminate in the director forcing her on stage opening night with swift kick to the butt. anticipation of something unpleasant is a horrible way to live. that's why she always swears she'll never do it again. but theatre is a horrible bitch siren. she can't resist. she's a junkie. hooked on pure theatrical heroin. there should be a rehab for actors.
joel says:
I'm still not affraid.
Erica says:
i am
joel says:
What have you to be affeared of?
Frank has been added to the conversation.
Erica says:
religion. terrorists. cheese.
joel says:
Now that you mention it so am I.
Frank says:
huh
Sunday, July 06, 2003
the ten commandments. revised especially for erica.
1. thou shalt not put john lennon ahead of me
2. thou shalt not worship false matinee idols
3. thou shalt not say "jesus line dancing christ"
4. thou shalt not go to titty shows on sunday
5. thou shalt not call your mom a nutcase to her face
6. thou shalt not beat your noisy neighbors with a stick until dead
7. thou shalt not cheat on your husband with anthony kiedis
8. thou shalt not steal clothing from costume shops
9. thou shalt not lie about setting fires
10. thou shalt not covet thy neighbors bbq
men may be from mars, and women from venus, but did you know that some people are actually from uranus? signs that you may be a uranian: you attack instead of listening, mistust instead of accepting. you are too proud to apologize. most people fail to realize that uranus is their planet of origin until it is too late. their histrionic bullshit starts seeping out of their orafices. meanwhile, a hideous alien bursts out to surprise unsuspecting loved ones. of course, erica suspects she may be from uranus. at least today. she felt like shit.
Saturday, July 05, 2003
wild burrows
"watch out for wild burrows"- the signs have been popping up everywhere. spring valley ranch, mount charleston, industrial and trop. apparently, las vegas is in the middle of a wild ass infestation. throwing caution to the wind, our favorite agoraphobe spent the day at echo point, way the hell out there on lake mead, racing along at arm ripping speeds over other peoples wake. she won't fear the burrow. then the guy who gave her bamboo nun-chucks for her birthday killed the motor and pointed toward the beach. wild burrows. and a few cows. she realized then that there was no escape. they would all just have to get along. hoping to bridge the half breed gap, she yelled out a mighty "hee haw" and sped on her way. afterall, what harm did a little ass ever do anyone?
Friday, July 04, 2003
america is 227 years old. she is 27. if you do the math, you'll figure out why her name is erica. and why that particular fourth of july was so noisy as she was getting blessed. and why in third grade she got in trouble for singing the wrong lyrics to patriotic songs... "oh erica, oh erica, god shed his grace on me!" then in high school, a boyfriend sang "erica the beautiful" is it any wonder why she grew up thinking all the fireworks were for her?
Thursday, July 03, 2003
she isn't afraid of death. she's afraid of sadness. of crying spells that last two hours and leave her face all pink and blotchy for no reason at all. apparently there isn't an on/off switch for unexplainable tears...
today she saw a jesus freak on the bus; perhaps what gave him away was that plastic covered hotel bible. or his prissy hair and windbreaker. whatever it was, she watched him suspiciously, thinking, "look how he clings to that book...like he's defining himself through it...or hiding more like it...poor missionary with a cause." lovingly, she opened her script again to read, to ponder. but she was interrupted by a horrible silence... "look how she clings to that script..."
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
cat therapy. that's what he called it. she is socially retarded, but doc doesn't care. all he needs is the occasional pat on the head. and for someone to be standing over his dish when he eats. she often wonders how he got so chubby with no one watching...
resuME
mErchandise
06.03
07.03
08.03
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02.05
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08.13
07.14
02.16
esotErically speaking, of course.
