i fucking hate that i can't remember everything. i wish i could remember what i ate last week. or what i wore or what i thought about. i wish i could remember all my dreams. i wish i could remember everyday of third grade and what in the world me and my first friend linda joyce kenimore and i giggled about, i honestly have huge gray areas of my childhood that i would be interested in revisiting, now that i'm an adult. i just wish every detail of my life was written down, so that i could keep it.

not keep it to live in the past, which i think happens to people who are afraid of forgetting. they'll relive things over and over until it's engraved on their souls. and because they're thinking about it so much, they can't move on to new things. i'm afraid of living in the past. but i'm just so much more afraid of forgetting the past.

i think that's what started me writing in the first place. capturing things on paper seemed to make them real for me.

i made so many memories this week, but the finer points will be eventually lost. this upsets me in a way i can't express. this is why i prefer writing to speaking. i'll never remember all the wonderful things people said to me this week, they were said, they were lost. but the fact is that they were said. which means, somewhere in the universe the sound waves and echos of those words are still bouncing around.

maybe god really is up there just listening to our conversations. if so, i wish he'd write them down for me.

anyway, i think some things are easier to remember than others. tastes are easy for me. because they're connected to the olefactory senses (smell) which are the strongest sense memories in the body. think about it, it is virtually impossible to forget what vanilla tastes like.

ah, me. well, blog on, good buddies.