i'm losing my conscience and gaining a conscious.
i've decided that politics aren't very permanent.
but some other things are. like my oh-so-trendy religious unrest.

last night in my dreams, i went to seminary. with a few alterations. i got out of my boyfriends car at the seattle stake center with a cup of coffee and a pillow. in my dreams, all my religious quandries were silent. silent enough to be drinking coffee and living with my boyfriend and having not a problem with that. and everything just felt so nice.

i am searching for that silence.

when are you going to learn?
not every beautiful woman that looks at you that way wants your money.

it was nice, though, wasn't it?

tonight i'm thinking about the monstronsity of my neglect. blog and otherwise.
reality slips through my fingers and i'm entering another one of those phases.

now i'm eating pumpkin cheesecake and staring the pain in the face.

hello again.


so i've been on my own personal Vision Quest the past little while.
tuning in and tuning out. feeling the earth's pulse in the universe that is my brain.

the details aren't important.

A eats B eats C. Givers and Takers. i'm thinking the forbidden fruit was a pomegranite. i'm thinking about manna, the thing that came from the sky (spores) and looked like bread (mushrooms).

i feel like bleeding again. or at least i would like to become immune to fiction. and fictional bleeding. i'm tired of surrounding myself with novelty. turning my back on structure and pattern. everyone should be able to have a bitch cake and eat it too. even if it is half baked.

LET THEM EAT BREAD.

dearest, thank you for waiting...you can steal my kisses, anytime.