i had gone to theater schmeater tonight
at the invitation of l.& p.
who were performing in a silly little play-
i was dressed "like a boy", more specifically, i was dressed like israel horowitz-
so i picked up two batches of gerber daisies before heading out
---
i drove up james street in the pouring rain there's this manhole that steam comes out of it
reminded me of how my brain has felt for past two or three months nows
i park in a seedy pay parking lot off pike and trek down in the downpour,
the wind more than once flipping my flimsy little umbrella inside out and creating a rain bowl
---
i pass by the usual lot of capitolhill's outdoor residents- i've learned to breathe out at the right moments to avoid bum stench- you don't have to do this when it's raining.
---
Schmeater's door is one of those giant sliding urban art studio types and it's chartruese green
it sticks out on a street full of brownstone
four or five people i know are trying to smoke outside, their cigarettes disenegrading between their lips
i enter and walk down the steep lobby give the flowers to the stage manager
head to the loo, which is the most interesting loo in seattle- made on the cheap, fringe theatre style -curtains instead of walls
---
i see r. drinking a glass a wine- i position him higher on the slope so he's taller than me- we chat about me looking like a boy, or more specifically israel horowitz
i go to the bar and talk to m. & l. who ran away to vegas last weekend and got married- they stayed in the luxor- i remember hyperventalating in the incline elevator there once
the house opens, the eclectic mix of theatre goers shuttle in-
but not me, i stay behind, i can't go in
---
i just didn't feel like sticking around
i grab my umbrella, it's still wet, and i start back up the hill
---
m. calls and we talk about being autodidacts
i say i'm actually an i-did-act
the irony may or may not be lost
self portrait
i'm in bed now, my hair is finally dry
i'm wearing that raspberry colored tank top
i bought last weekend
because the color cheered me up
---
it's between two and three in the morning
and i'm missing you.