i can still see him, don juan the love monkey, with his precious little shriners hat and tight don juan clothing, skipping from one end of the tent to the other collecting dollar bills faster than a stripper with a coke habit.

this scrawny little monkey with opposable toes gave my husband a high five and took his money. it made me feel sick. i was really disturbed by the monkey's eyebrows. his face was passive, but his eyebrows told another story.

don juan was born to a womanizing father that had many monkey babies throughout spain. his mother stole bread for a living. don juan noticed at a young age that he also had a talent with the ladies, and would spend hours eagerly spanking himself in preparation for his coming of age.

then a cruel stroke of fate befell poor don juan. a man that stacks chairs for a living kidnapped him and his brothers and brought them to america.
just as he and his brothers were being sold to the chicken on a stick vendors, don juan's talents saved the day. he distracted the man by doing a little tap dance while his brothers safely escaped the meat factory.

but just as americans are obsessed with novelty, the man decided that don juans talents might just come in handy one day, and started scheming up ways to make money with his new little slave.

and to this day, don juan dreams of the monkey senoritas, of fulfilling his namesake and making his father proud. he is waiting for the great monkey uprising, and then, and only then, will we see the humans humiliating themselves for HIS financial gain...

spank on, little monkey. don't let the man bring you down.